Starting Anew (Part II of Finding My Voice)

In general, Motherhood, Musings on February 22, 2015 at 2:31 am

What do I want to be when I grow up? It’s a question that many have asked of us over the years as well as a question many of us have asked ourselves over the years. The answer can be simple (a doctor, lawyer, mechanic, etc.) or as complex as one wants to make it. The thing is, sometimes I still feel like a kid just pretending to be a grown up. I still wonder what I will be when I grow up. Sounds silly, I know. But… I am pretty sure I am not the only one out there in his/her 40’s thinking IMG_1141or feeling this way.
The answer to the question in my mind is this: I want to be a good person. Sounds simple, right? But it’s not. Sounds, vague. I know. After all, what does it mean to be a good person? And I may be a single person, but I wear many hats (wife, mother, student, dog owner, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, etc.). What exactly does it mean to be a “good” any of these? Have I succeeded in growing up into a good person in any of these areas? I am 41 after all. I should be a good person by now, shouldn’t I? Could I do better? Will I do worse?
Yes, to both questions. The truth is I could drive myself (and anyone reading this) crazy with all the ways in which I have grown up, or not, to be a good person. But I promise I won’t.
If you are still hanging in there with me know these things: I do believe I have grown up to be a good person (yet there is always room for improvement), but I also know that I am ever evolving. This blog is a place for me to chronicle this evolution and have a way to look back and see where I started (at 41 years old) and to see just how far I’ve come. Right now my life is full of days shuttling small children to and from, school, activities and play dates. My days are filled with trying to keep up a house and feed our children well. I steel away to study nutrition and have a sitter to help give me the time to do so. None of this is easy and there are definitely days when I am not the best version of myself. I’m getting there. Attempting to do my best each day. And looking forward to the day when I can proudly say, “Yes, I have grown up to be a good person. No, scratch that, a great person!”
As this blog fills up with entries, I promise there will be moments of pride, moments of dissatisfaction, moments of joy, moments of self-doubt, self-discovery, and above all moments of growing up. Hopefully you will join me on this journey and know that you are not alone, if you, too, are not sure what you are going to be when you grow up.


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ironing out life's creases (& a bit about sewing, knitting, cooking, & just making it through the messy bits)

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