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Archive for the ‘general’ Category

Starting Anew (Part II of Finding My Voice)

In general, Motherhood, Musings on February 22, 2015 at 2:31 am

What do I want to be when I grow up? It’s a question that many have asked of us over the years as well as a question many of us have asked ourselves over the years. The answer can be simple (a doctor, lawyer, mechanic, etc.) or as complex as one wants to make it. The thing is, sometimes I still feel like a kid just pretending to be a grown up. I still wonder what I will be when I grow up. Sounds silly, I know. But… I am pretty sure I am not the only one out there in his/her 40’s thinking IMG_1141or feeling this way.
The answer to the question in my mind is this: I want to be a good person. Sounds simple, right? But it’s not. Sounds, vague. I know. After all, what does it mean to be a good person? And I may be a single person, but I wear many hats (wife, mother, student, dog owner, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, etc.). What exactly does it mean to be a “good” any of these? Have I succeeded in growing up into a good person in any of these areas? I am 41 after all. I should be a good person by now, shouldn’t I? Could I do better? Will I do worse?
Yes, to both questions. The truth is I could drive myself (and anyone reading this) crazy with all the ways in which I have grown up, or not, to be a good person. But I promise I won’t.
If you are still hanging in there with me know these things: I do believe I have grown up to be a good person (yet there is always room for improvement), but I also know that I am ever evolving. This blog is a place for me to chronicle this evolution and have a way to look back and see where I started (at 41 years old) and to see just how far I’ve come. Right now my life is full of days shuttling small children to and from, school, activities and play dates. My days are filled with trying to keep up a house and feed our children well. I steel away to study nutrition and have a sitter to help give me the time to do so. None of this is easy and there are definitely days when I am not the best version of myself. I’m getting there. Attempting to do my best each day. And looking forward to the day when I can proudly say, “Yes, I have grown up to be a good person. No, scratch that, a great person!”
As this blog fills up with entries, I promise there will be moments of pride, moments of dissatisfaction, moments of joy, moments of self-doubt, self-discovery, and above all moments of growing up. Hopefully you will join me on this journey and know that you are not alone, if you, too, are not sure what you are going to be when you grow up.

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Finding My Voice

In general on September 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

It is reassuring to learn, after reading through an issue of Artful Blogger, that it took time and patience for others to find their voices.  Blogging began as an outlet for them to share accomplishments, creativity, information, and ended up opening doors to them that they had not know existed.  Does this sound dramatic?  Yes, but it is true.  I can see it already for myself.  The more I write the more I want to write.  The more creative projects I undertake the more I want to do and the more I want to share.  Because let’s face it.  If I can do these things, anyone can! But I am also finding a new sense of pride that I carry around and new people, projects, perspectives on life to delve into.  I imagine it will take some time yet to find my voice.  In the meantime I am crossing my fingers that my readers everything will find something they can connect to, something that they may learn from or something that makes them laugh.  I may write about our adventures with following the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), my son’s intolerance to gluten/oats and dairy, parenting successes or mishaps, or even my sewing adventures.  But the truth is that in some ways it all blurs together at some point.  After all, I am a mom.  When I cook it is for my family.  When I sew it is for my family (mostly).  And when I parent, will, obviously that is for my family.  It is difficult to take the mom out of any of those categories.  So a piece of “mom” will always float amongst my writings.  Maybe in the end, that is my voice.  We’ll soon see. 

High Holy Days

In general on September 19, 2012 at 7:53 pm

In this family, and by family I am including my mother and brother, the High Holy Days bring a bit of angst.  What could possibly be the problem, you ask?  Three differing ideas about how to celebrate along with the sadness surrounding the loss of the matriarch/patriarch of the family (Gaga and Papa).  If my grandparents were still alive we would most likely all go to temple, all spend the entire day together and eat a fantastic dinner that only my grandmother could have prepared.  But that is not all.  Dinner preparations would have begun a week in advance, from planning out the menu to setting the table.  We would all be nestled in the coziness of their dining room, the lights dimmed as Gaga lit the candles and recited the blessing, the warm fall sun setting behind my grandfather as he sat stoically at the head of the table.  The light spreading out from behind him and filling the room with a sense of  pride, love and peace.  For the three of us (my mom, brother and myself) this is what the holiday should be like.  The absence of my grandparents, my brother living far away and my own personal experiences living in Israel have led us all to different needs/desires for the holidays.  My mother wants to embody my grandmother and continue to attempt to create the holidays by strongly encouraging us to go to temple and have a family dinner.  My brother is an atheist and the only holiday he as any interest in celebrating is Passover.  I want a cultural experience; one much like I experienced while living in Israel.  A day willed with family, good food and traditions I had never known before.  These traditions are not devoid of religion (different blessings said over different foods symbolic for the holiday; circular year, sweetness, fertility, etc.).  They simply do not take place at temple.  They happen as a family; together.  It is a challenge for my mother to accept that her children do not want to try to continue to have what we had in the past.  It is a challenge for my brother and I to help her to see that time is over and that we must find new ways to move forward without trying to do everything their way.  I am not even sure if my mom really understands why she goes to temple other than that it is what her parents did.  For as important as Judaism was to my grandparents (they both grew up in Orthodox families), they did as most families did in the ‘40’s… they tried to assimilate themselves and their children as much as possible.  My mother and my aunt did not go to Sunday School at the local synagogue.   Neither of them had a Bat Mitzvah.  Neither had ever been to Israel.  Yes, they were part of a Jewish youth group.  Yes, they celebrated all the major holidays.  Yes, they felt Jewish.  But there was no formal Jewish education.  On the flip side, my brother and I did go to Sunday School.  My brother had a Bar Mitzvah and I had a Bat Mitzvah.  I worked at a Jewish summer camp, taught Sunday School and spent a year in Israel.  I’ve even taught Hebrew to 6th graders.  I know exactly why I should be at temple at this time of year.  I simply would prefer to celebrate in a different way.  In a way that is more personal and makes more sense to me.  Even though this flies in the face of why I should go to temple (to stand together as a community and ask forgiveness from G-d for the sins we have committed towards Him/her).  I do understand it all.  But growing up reform left me a bit dubious about organized religion.  Maybe it was just our temple, but I felt so lacking for information.  The High Holy Days always felt more like a fashion show than they did days to reflect on our lives and look to do better.  These days felt more like they were about who donated money to the temple than those who were not in a position to do so.  And on top of that…  there was so much they did not teach us.  My year in Israel taught me that.  The purist in me came out and I was a bit lost.  Not knowing what I was supposed to trust.  And while I cannot definitely tell you that there is a G-d, I do believe that there is some sort of higher power out there that has had a hand in creating life as we know it.  Unlike my brother who has decided, for reasons unknown to me, to pretty much despise being Jewish and to not believe in any kind of higher power.  Maybe it was being shy and not having many friends in Sunday School.  Maybe it was his medical school training or the crazy (in my opinion) Jewish neighbor he had during his residency that was an extreme anti-Zionist protestor.  I do not know for sure what led him down this path.  All I know is that now, the 3 of us, are all in a different place when it comes to celebrating the holidays.  And it matters, a lot.  But, if Gaga and Papa were here… well, we would all come together despite our differing ideas.  We may act disgruntled about having to be there.  Mom may treat us like children for making a fuss.  But we would all be there.  And not one of us could complain about the food, the love we felt for one another or that was being washed over us.  None of us would have anything negative to say or feel about that warm glow of the sunset over Grandpa’s shoulders or the coziness and familiarity of that dining room and Gaga’s traditions.  We would simply be happy.

The Underdog!

In general, Sewing on August 8, 2012 at 4:26 am

I have to laugh at myself a bit for even considering applying for Project Run and Play.  In fact I had to start this blog just to apply.  I was planning on starting one, but this gave me the push I needed.  The thing is, I look at all those beautiful blogs and all the amazing clothes everyone has sewn and I know I am most certainly an underdog.  Not only in terms of my sewing skills.  But also in regards to my ability to present myself and my work in a way that others will joyously respond to.  I’m ok with that for now.  I am only at the beginning of this adventure.  I’ll promise you one thing, though.  If I somehow do make it into the competition, don’t count me out.  I could very well be just like Anya from last seasons Project Runway.  You never know!  I’d like to think so.

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All right, all right..

In general on August 8, 2012 at 3:58 am

I had a post written and was trying to attach a photo to go with it.  But, as luck would have it, I ended up posting a picture, but no text.  One day I will figure this whole wordpress thing out.  I promise.  Then I can have a beautiful blog like so many others out there.  Until then, please be patient with me.  Just like with my sewing, I am learning, learning, learning.  Image

What’s in a name?

In general on August 7, 2012 at 2:40 am

It’s sew dat makes my husband chuckle.  And that may be all that matters.  As it is really the little things in life that make us tick.  So… where does the name come from?  The word “sew” is really just a play on words in regards to the phrase “It’s so that.”  “Dat” is my 20 month old’s way of saying “that” at this moment in time.  And she says “dat” quite a bit these days as she points to what she wants.  While this blog is set up to feature my sewing it is also meant to be a place to share the trials and tribulations of parenthood and healthy cooking.  Basically, all the things that currently consume my life.

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